Guys Don’t Realize How Much Their Actions Impact Girls
Whew. That was a long title. But this is a subject I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. And it’s not just their actions. It’s their words. And is it the guy’s fault that we do this? Maybe we misinterpret their actions and their words to mean what we want them to mean? This blog is going to be a little out of order.. so bear with me. The guy probably just thinks of the girl as a friend, but thinks he is harmlessly flirting with her for fun, but the girl might totally get the wrong idea and think the guy likes her. Of course “like” is such a broad word, but I am using it here. I just think that guys need to be careful with the way they treat girls. Don’t mess with their hearts.If you have no intention of dating the girl and starting a relationship, then don’t flirt unless you know the girl knows what’s going on.
The last few days have been interesting. Yesterday, I was pretty mad at guys in general. Like, I was with some guy friends of mine and they were seriously RATING girls by how hot they were. And I know guys like to do this sometimes, but it just made me sad. Maybe girls should rated. But not by how hot they are. But by how much they love the Lord, and how dedicated they are at trying to help guys not be tempted by dressing modestly, things like that. Not how hot they are. And I know guys are visual. So does that mean there’s no hope for me then? If guys only judge girls by how hot they are, then how are they ever going to get to know the girl? The only reason why they might get to know the girl is if they think she is hot. That just makes me so sad. I hope to someday find a guy that doesn’t rate me by how hot I am ( I hate that terminology) But like what I said, by how dedicated I am to first God, and how dedicated I will be to my boyfriend/ eventually husband. To stand by him, to be there for him. And yet, it seems like guys don’t want this. Why is that?
So like I said, I was pretty done with guys yesterday for a while. And then tonight I got totally thrown off. I was outside tonight and it was cold, and for some reason I thought to myself, “Wow I wish I had a boyfriend that could put his arms around me right now to keep me warm.” And I got extremely sad. So I prayed. Why am I feeling this way when a few weeks ago I was completely content being single? Deleted the love songs from my ipod, and felt so free. Not even noticing guys around me. What’s going on?
I don’t know. So many questions lately. Maybe God is putting that desire back in my heart so that I will be open to someone soon? I’m not sure.
Valentine’s Day
So reading the above title you probably had one of two reactions. I’m not saying these are the only reactions you might have but they are definitely the two I see most of the time.
1. *sigh* I can’t wait to be with my boyfriend/girlfriend. We are so in love, etc. etc.
2. Oh brother. Valentine’s Day again. Single.. again.
I’ve always been the 2nd one. Of course my dad used to be my valentine when I was little, but I’m a little old for that now. And the last couple years Valentine’s Day has been a nightmare for me. I have never had a boyfriend. And when most people ask me if I have had one and I say no, they are completely surprised. And usually they feel bad for me. And I used to feel bad too. Everyone wishes they had that special someone to spend Valentine’s Day with.
When people used to ask me if I had ever been in a relationship, I felt so bad for saying no. But now I don’t feel that way. Not being in a relationship yet means so many good things. I have not had my heart broken, of course it has felt that way when I have liked certain guys and it falls through. But nothing compared to being in a relationship and something happening. Today I overheard two girls talking about how they hated that they were single and they were desperately trying to get a boyfriend before Valentine’s Day. Now if they do succeed in finding a boyfriend, do you really think that their relationship is going to last?
Even though it may be tough when Valentine’s Day comes around to see everyone in love and to see hearts everywhere, I know that when I find my special someone, it will be worth the wait. This year it will be a little different, because usually I give out little valentines to all my friends, but since I don’t see a lot of my friends anymore, that won’t be happening. so it will definitely be interesting. But I am going to take the opportunity to be thinking about my future and when I do have that special someone to share it with.
Don’t Tell Me What To Do!
Have you ever felt like saying that to someone? Don’t get me wrong, I definitely take advice when it is given to me, but it just drives me crazy when people think they know what is best for me and then try to convince me to do whatever it is that they want. I just hate being told what to do. I think it started when I was a kid. Like every kid I had chores around the house. I didn’t really mind doing the chores, I just hated being told to do them. So you would think that I would just do them before my mom would ask me, but of course I didn’t think that far ahead. So instead she would ask me and we would get in huge fights that would end up in me getting grounded. I was grounded a lot as a kid.
Of course, when certain people I respect give me advice, I always listen to them. People like my grandma, my best friend, and sometimes my parents. Parents always think they know what is best for you, and that is not always the case. What always drove me crazy in high school was when people would ask me what college I wanted to go to and if I had applied for scholarships. No I don’t know what I want to do and thank you, I’m doing fine applying for scholarships. Even now when people ask me what I want to do and I tell them I don’t know they always seem so astonished. “But of course you must know what you want to do!” No I don’t. Thanks for making me feel bad.
But there is also the other side. I have to be careful because what if I don’t like the advice that is being given to me because I don’t want to hear it? Let’s take guys for example, in high school I liked this guy. Totally not my type, but he was pretty awesome, according to me. He always made me laugh even when I felt horrible and i just thought the world of him. I’m not quite sure why. I guess because he was so different from other guys. But my parents immediately did not like him. If I had listened to them half the things that happened would not have. Do I regret becoming friends with this guy? No. I have learned so much from the experience. But I do have to be careful as I am looking for “the one.” I will have to have him meet my family and my friends and see what they think because if I am blinded by love then I might not see some of the things they see.
Recently, it also drives me crazy when guys try to give me advice. I do listen to my guyfriends and value their opinions, but half the time I really do wonder about them.it seems what most of my guyfriends like to tell me is “take initiative with guys!” That just drives me crazy. Maybe I am old fashioned, but I think that the guy should pursue the girl, and not the other way around. In just a friendship, yes it goes both ways, but that’s just it. It should go BOTH WAYS. And I’m tired of friendships where it seems like I am always making the move because then it just seems like the other person does not care as much and then the friendship does not seem like it is worthwhile.
Refocusing
So today while at work I was thinking. ( I tend to think a lot at work lately, it’s the only thing keeping me sane there.) I had a love song stuck in my head and it started to make me think about this guy. I quickly tried to get the song out of my head because I did not want to think of this guy. It started me thinking, that since I am in the process of trying to become a more Godly woman, I should not listen to love songs. Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of love songs, but I need to take a break. So tonight, I went through my iPod and unchecked all love songs and all secular songs that would make me lose my focus. It was a very freeing experience, hard at times when I got to certain songs that have memories attached to them, but I know it will be worth it.
I also decided today that instead of going to all the random websites I usually go to in order to kill time, that instead I will spend that time reading my Bible. So tonight I was on my computer and I went to one of my random websites. It was down for maintenance. Okay God. I get it. So no more random websites for me, and no more love songs. I’m rather excited about this!
She’s In Love
“A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him to find her.”
This is my new motto. I absolutely love this quote. My focus in this past week has changed sooo much and I’m not quite sure what happened to change it but all of the sudden I just realized so many things that I want to share.
1. I realized I don’t need a guy to be happy. For some reason I’ve had this mentality of needing a guy as a best friend or liking a guy. Let me explain that because I know that sounds weird. Meaning I’ve had my best girl friend my whole life, but for some reason the past couple of years I thought I needed a best guy friend too. And I did. I had two of them. They were both amazing. Well. Not really. I mean of course at times they both were amazing. And if I took the amount of time i need to explain them both it would take me hours. But to keep it short, the one was more like a brother to me than anything. But near the end of our time as best friends he wasn’t exactly a best friend. And the other…. I can’t even explain him to myself. Just… yeah. But we were really good friends too and I could depend on him so much, until things changed recently. But now I don’t feel like I need either of these boys. Which is a HUGE accomplishment for me. Trust me. I’ve spent the past two years chasing these two around. And they were just my FRIENDS.
2. I’ve noticed how lame love songs are lately. Like. A lot of them are about how much they desperately need their boyfriend/girlfriend’s love to survive. Of course if I were in love I would view these songs differently. And the last couple of years I’ve definitely listened to my fair share of Taylor Swift. But I know have a completely clear head. I have no feelings for anyone whatsoever. This is also a huge accomplishment for me. My best friend told me about this song today. It is amazing. I want to be exactly what this song says and I’ll post the lyrics in a second.
3. Now I’m not saying I’m giving up on love and guys forever. I’m sure I will have another best guy friend. And soon my time will come when I find the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Because I have such a clear head and a new perspective, I’m focusing now on becoming that woman that the quote that I posted above talks about. It will be an interesting new journey for me. Just following God blindly and trusting him to direct my paths. I have a total peace right now, and I really can’t say I have felt like this before.
(If you want to listen to this song I have it as a page at the top of the blog)
She’s In Love-According To John
What a beautiful smile
A radiant girl
Fell in love first time I saw her
She stays on my mind
I’d give anything
To know everything about her
There’s light in her eyes
And I know it’s all for Him
She carries on and on
Like He was her best friend
She’s in love (echo)
It’s not hard to see
But I would like to believe it was with me
Someone got a hold of her heart
And He won’t let go
And I know
She’s in love
She looks to the sky
When she talks about Him
She believes He hung the moon
Said He had to go away
She waits for His return
Says He’s coming for her soon
How can this be fair?
This guy can walk on water
Don’t guess I’ve got a prayer
He’s written love letters – to reach her
She worships the ground He walks on
She just smiles when she says His name
It’s a match made in heaven
I can’t compete with the King of Kings
Grandparents
Today I spent my day with my Grandma. Before today, we had not been alone together in a couple years at least. When I was younger I used to go to her house all the time, her and her husband, who I called Papa. My family is very complicated due to my mom’s parents divorcing. Because of this, it has affected how we spend every holiday. And Christmas is sometimes a nightmare, which is sad because it should not be that way.
When I was younger I lived in a fantasy world. I had like four sets of grandparents, what kid wouldn’t be happy with that? All of them were very loving grandparents and I loved them all very dearly.As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned many things about my family that has made me sad. I will not go into detail, but let’s just say that fantasy world I was living in was nothing but that, just a fantasy. Becoming older the things I’ve learned has changed how I have viewed my grandparents, but it has also made me respect them more. I love spending time with my grandparents because I always learn so much from them. I wish I had more time to spend with them.
My grandma and I had a lot of fun today. We went shopping and went to a movie and went out to dinner and we reminiced on times long ago. I have memories of going to restaurants with her and her husband and many movie nights at her house where we would bake cookies and my Papa would tell me stories about Little Red Riding Hood and Goldie Locks. Everytime he told me the stories I would act it out, and would have more fun every time.
But things changed, like they always do. My Papa passed away and I soon started high school and didn’t have as much time anymore. But today was so much fun. She told me stories of things that happened before I was born, all these things that God did in her life. After today I respect her so much more for who she is today and what she had gone through. And all though I felt awkward at sometimes, it was good.
I am blessed with wonderful grandparents. My grandpa is so amazing. He has done so many things for me this year and without his help I’m not sure what I would have done. He is always so encouraging and loving and whenever I am at his house I just feel at home. I love listening to my grandparents tell stories. Today my Grandma told me a story of when she was 10 years old and Gone With The Wind came out and she and a friend went to see it. Back then they had a intermission in the middle of the movie, and she and her friend packed a lunch. I thought that was so adorable that even back then she was obsessed with this movie. Much like I am obsessed with movies now. It makes me smile just thinking of our time together. I wish I had more time to spend with them, but since I can’t, it just makes me treasure my times with them more.
New Year’s Resolutions
So most people write a list of New Year’s Resolutions. Or at least they think of them. They make goals. And sometimes those goals are way unrealistic. This year I want to make resolutions that I will keep. I looked up my resolutions from last year and this is what I found.
1. Time management (less time on internet, more time on homework and scholarships)
2. I’m not going to let a guy direct how I live my day. No guy will ever distract me from my friends, my family, or what really matters.
3. Start looking ahead, planning for MY future
4. Money Management (more saving, less spending)
5. Be honest with myself (I know what I mean lol)
6. and most important, doing what God wants me to do. Like reading my Bible and attend youth group as much as possible.
These were all really good goals. And I think I did an okay job of keeping them but I feel like I could definitely do a lot better so here are my new goals for the new year.
1. Devote more time to God. I need to listen to him more and let him direct my days. I am absolutely clueless of what I want to do and I feel like the only way that I will learn is through God. That means being more dedicated to reading my Bible and keeping an open heart for God. I know sometimes this year I tried to do things on my own. It definitely didn’t work.
2. No matter how hard I fall for a guy, I need to focus on what matters most and it will all fall into place. No matter how lonely I get, no matter how sad I get. No matter how amazing the guy seems. I need to wait. I’ve learned this year to not take matters in my own hands when it comes to guys. It’s not worth it. So I’ll continue waiting.
3. Focus on what matters. That means School. God. Friends. Family.
4. Definitely manage my money better. Definitely.
So that’s all for now. If I think of more I’ll put them down. Thinking back on the year I’ve had, it’s been hard to keep the goals I had set for the year. But I think this next year will be easier if I just let God show me where to go and keep my priorities straight…
New Perspective!
Yes I know. It’s been a while again. And if you had visited my blog last night or earlier today you would have seen a much different post than what you are about to read. Last night I was tired and upset. I was hurting and so done with this world. So I just rambled on and on about it on here because I felt like I had no one else to turn to.
But I was wrong. I have so much to be thankful for. And even though I am still going through a lot, I feel a lot better right now. I am just going to trust in God and let Him work in my life and leave the work to Him. So where do I go from here?
Well, I’m hoping to be more active on here. I moved some more personal posts I had on here to a different place and I’ve decided that this blog is going to be what I originally intended it to be. To share my college adventures and to share how God has been working in my life.
These last 6 months have definitely been interesting. I’m done with my first semester of college. It’s over and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. I was so busy having stuff due all the time that I didn’t do much else. And I’ve literally spent the whole day today just thinking and trying to figure out what I want to do with my free time. Of course my free time is now over because tomorrow I go back to work and then a day after that it’s Christmas. (That will be a whole other blog post in a day or so)
Friends have changed and things with the family has as well. I don’t do well with change. So it’s been interesting. But I somehow made it through. I joined a college group on campus and it was a huge blessing for me and I am looking forward to it next semester. I am also looking forward to having every single one of my classes with friends and two classes with my sister. I am so excited. But I also started to realize that I haven’t decided what I want to do yet. I’m hoping to know by the end of this year, but I’ve got a back up plan.
If in another year I still don’t know what I want to major in, I will take a year off and devote it to God. I really want to go on a missions trip. So badly. I’m hoping to go to Mexico with a group that I know that goes, but also I would like to go to California, where I know they need help. I have some friends there and I think it would be so neat. Of course if there is somewhere else that God calls me to, then I will go. Just thinking about this is making me more excited for it!
I guess my point is, lately I’ve been focusing a lot on what has been going wrong with my life, and I’m starting to realize that I need to focus more on God and what he has planned for me. Yes everything is going to change in my life, friends, school, work, family. But God never changes. And he has a plan for me bigger than what I could ever imagine.
I Moved! Being Single!
So, earlier today I decided I wanted to blog tonight about what’s been going on with me lately. But first off, I moved! I was on blogger but I decided to move to wordpress. So please be patient with me while I figure this out. It took me about four hours to come up for a name for this, and I finally decided on slow down time for the url. Slow Down Time is a song by Jeremy Camp and it’s basically how I’m feeling lately. And Here’s My Life is a song by Barlow Girl. But I’m not sure if I will keep that. It’s a work in progress lol.
Alright, now onto what I really wanted to talk about. I recently finished a book called Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris that a good friend of mine lent me. It really got me thinking. Lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble because I’ve liked this guy for quite some time. He’s a really neat guy who loves the Lord as much as I do. I’ve know him for two years now. He basically was the only consistent guy I had in my life. No matter what was going on I always knew I could talk to him and I knew I could depend on him. The possibility of liking him never even crossed my mind until about a year ago.
Starting this year I started realizing how neat this guy really was. We talked a lot at work but not so much at school. I soon learned he liked me too.But finding out he liked me starting changing how I viewed him and how I acted towards him. You see, I’m fine talking to guys, but once I like someone, I have a hard time talking to them. It’s really annoying after a while. Recently though, I’ve been watching him more closely, and I’ve realized that it’s not worth my time to be thinking about him so much or to be hoping he’ll ask me out. And let me explain this. It’s not so much him, but it’s me.
You see, throughout most of high school until my senior year I always wanted a boyfriend. At one point I was even willing to change things about myself for a certain boy. But I soon realized how dumb that was. Now, being 18, I feel too young to date almost. Like at this point in my life what could I really offer a guy? Right now, all I can offer is friendship.
I’d like to tell you a little story. When I was younger, about 6th grade, I really wanted to go see the first Lord of the Rings movie. But my mom wouldn’t let me at first because she thought I was too young for it. After a lot of begging my mom finally gave in and let me go. But she warned me that I might get scared and certain images that were in the movie might stay with me forever. I did what any kid would do and just shrugged her off. “Yeah okay mom whatever” and I went. I ended up being scared to death. Of course, Lord of the Rings isn’t a bad movie, but for me, at that age, it was the first movie like that I had ever seen, and it led me to becoming obsessed with the movies, the actors, everything about it. And up through high school I continued to be obsessed with tv shows, movies and actors. Seeing that movie had completely changed the things I liked.
What does this have to do with dating? Well… it’s like I ask God, “Why can’t I have a boyfriend?”
And he answers, “Not yet, you’re too young.”
And of course, I don’t understand why God could possibly say this to me. “But it seems like everyone else has one!”
“But you’re too young. You’re not ready. ” God patiently answers again.
“Please God, I won’t be happy without a boyfriend!”
And let’s say God gives in and brings a boy into my life. We date for a while but then we break up and I’m left with a broken heart and bitter towards God. This changes everything in my life and has bad repercussions for things in the future.
But if I just listen to God right now and trust in what he doing in my life, then I know that everything will work out when the time is right. You see a lot of people my age are dating. But there are also a lot of people who aren’t. And finally, I feel content being single. I realize that right now is not the time to be dating. I am about to start college. I will have to balance my job with college and everything else going on. If I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t have the time that he would deserve to have and that a relationship would need. Right now I feel like I just need to focus on growing in the Lord and seeing what his plans are, and when the time is right, I know he will bring along the boy for me. You see, God has a perfect plan for me, and the right boy for me. But if I try to hurry it up or take things into my own hands, then I will be missing out on what God really has in store for me.
Yes I will still struggle with wishing I had someone now and then, but I really think something has changed lately in me, and now I am learning what I want in a boyfriend and what I don’t want, and I really think I’m better for it.
So this is what has been though my mind lately. It may not make much sense because I am finishing this at 4AM. I am probably going to come back to this tomorrow and rewrite this, but I just wanted to share. 
Oh My Goodness!
Has it really been so long since I have posted a blog on here? Oh my. Where did the time go? I seem to be asking myself that question almost everyday. You see, I’m about to graduate from high school. And everyday I just keep asking myself, where did the time go? I have about 16 days left of high school…. Then my life is really going to start. And I don’t know how I’m going to begin it. Oh yes I’m going to college. Oh yes I have a steady job. But what do I want to do? I have no idea. I’m scared to death but so excited. It’s time for a change.
So I’m changing everything. That includes this blog. Yes, it is still inside my ever changing mind, but now with a different focus. College. Oh wow. So will you come with me on this journey? I don’t know where it will lead but I will definitely post my adventures on here, and who knows, maybe with some pictures as well.
